Further to the government’s announcement on Saturday 19 December with regards to the introduction of Tier 4 areas and the latest information on COVID-19, The FA have issued the following update.

Football for adult participants across ‘non-elite’ football in Tier 4 areas is not permitted, including all training and fixtures. This immediate advice in place from 20 December applies to the following aspects of ‘non-elite’ football in England in Tier 4 areas:

– Indoor and outdoor adult grassroots football

Therefore all training sessions and games are postponed until further notice.

We await further guidance from the FA in the week commencing 22nd of February 2021 as to whether we can recommence the 2020/2021 season.

It was a freezing cold morning, at pitches no one can ever find, covered in goose shit and bumpy as hell. 

A rousing team talk from Chud gave us all a kick in the backside before the game and we got right at it from the kick off. 

We were pressing high and pushing forward well, the lads in the midfield were all over their men and pressured them to give us the ball at every opportunity, this led to us breaking on them constantly. 

With the pace of Theo and the hold up play from Mark the only thing that was missing was the final shot on goal. 

Then it looked like all our hard work was going to be undone, the Meads lads had a rare and fortuitous break. Ball down the right then slid pass Jase to what we all thought was out for a goal kick, (which it definitely was by about a metre), the ball got put across the box and found their striker, free in the centre of the box, he took a touch and fired the ball low and hard, an almost unstoppable shot into the bottom right corner of the goal. 

Almost unstoppable because Fish pulled off the save of the game, got down quickly and turned the ball away for a corner. After that the game started to become more open and buoyed by their first chance the oppo started to play down the wings more putting crosses into the box time after time that were dealt with relatively easily by the 2 CB’s and the GK, Colin, Dan and Fish respectively. 

0-0 Half time

Second half started the same as the first half. The boys all had the bit between their teeth and got after the oppo straight away. 

An inspirational bit of managerial prowess (from Charlie) kept the lads in the same formation as we were playing in the first half. 

Then the subs were brought on and all made an instant Impact. Chud stooped down with his head so low to get the ball, that it looked like he was trying to actually bite the grass, and got a boot to the head for his troubles and a penalty to boot. 

After earning the peno Chud steps up and himself and slots it past the keeper. 

Finally the breakthrough 1-0 Onions. Almost with the next attack it could have been 2 but Manu managed to get the ball stuck under his feet and after a great team move couldn’t get the shot away. 

The oppo broke on us and had a shot on goal well saved again by Fish in net and turned away for another corner. The resulting corner was put in and the oldest player on the pitch decided to bundle the keeper into the net and the goal was disallowed. Not only did he get the goal chalked off he got sent for a little beak on the touch line too for decent. Tit! 

With 10 minutes to go another brilliantly worked move sees a ball put into the box that Nick meets and puts it into the corner to make it 2-0 Onions. A few late scares from free kicks in the dying moments but we held on for the W and the first clean sheet that the 5’s have had in the league for 3 seasons. Great effort from the lads!

Andy Emmerson

Not really too sure how to write these match reports, but I’ll just write down whatever I can remember. I woke up had a decent breakfast, brown toast with peanut butter and strawberry jam, peanut butter has to be crunchy and the jam strawberry. This was washed down with a shot of berocca. 

Feeling sharp I got my shizzle together and went to bills house, picked him up, listened to a bit of magic FM on our 6 min journey and arrived at the REMPF. The weather was alright, not too cold not too windy, bit grey. Everyone arrived on time got changed and set up the nets. 

Having lost the last 4 matches by a goal I felt the team knew something magical was going to happen today. 

There was a quiet confident feeling amongst the troops or maybe I felt that way, mainly because i’m not shaggin on Friday nights so add that to the shot of berocca in the morning I get kinda jacked up. 

Anyway, Jason led the warm up and then we tried to do some keepy uppys don’t think we could get more than 4 together. The opps arrived slightly late, but we got going. 

A very sharp start from the 5s, playing some high intensity high press football from the off, we cut open RSA (royal sun alliance). We created more chances in the opening 2 min that most games. Rich got the ball edge of the box, forced his way through with some intricate feet and smashed home our first goal. 1-0 Soon after, they scored, 1-1.

Theo was taken down in the box after a slick one two with bilal. We had a penalty, bilal missed, something to do with mind games with the keeper. 

Bilal scored soon after, taking on their back line doing a couple of Cruyff turns few keepy uppys, he put through the through balls of through balls, defender had no choice but to smash it in to his own net. Mesmerizing stuff. 2-1. They scored just before half time it was 2-2.

 Second half we all put in a shift and got stuck in, playing some sharp football, we attacked down the flanks and whipped in some nice crosses. I can’t remember too much after this and I’m sure I’ve got an adequate word count. Colin was shouting some stuff, Theo, Nick and Fred all scored. They were all great goals.

Parimal and Theo got some assists along with Richard and bill. Overall great team spirit and some great football played.

Talha Ahmed

The 4s headed down to Fortress REMPF, keen to avoid the rain and right the wrongs of the previous week against table topping Sheen. The game started sloppily with Sheen on top. 

The stand out character being the ref, in his fancy ref kit, socks over his knees like a tricky continental winger, using both his watches the track subs. Fortunately for the Onions, I leapt à la Ivanovic in the 2013 Europa League Final to give us an against the run of the play lead. 

Soon after Theo was rolled in and slotted home to make it 2-0. Energy was high in the camp but a Sheen attacker was left alone at the back post to draw one back and then before you knew it a dubious offside decision went against us and it was all square. 

One final piece of sloppy defending saw us concede a third and backs were against the wall. With a rousing Will French team talk in our ears, straight from the Mourinho playbook, we headed out for the second half knowing exactly what kind of c-words we should be – intelligent ones, not stupid ones for those without Amazon Prime.

Leading from the front, Will blatantly shoved their defender as he headed in a corner to make it 3-3 before a Sheen keeping howler let Ewan bundle in a 4th.  Now that the action on the pitch was really heating up, the ref had to make sure the spotlight was firmly back on him. 

He dished out some average chat to increasingly frustrated Sheen players, before a couple of farcical dissent yellows and sending Ewan Porteus off with seconds to go after a bit of handbags. Down to 10 men for the last few minutes, the 4s held out to secure a very satisfying 4-3 win.

Ewan Harris