The 4s headed down to Fortress REMPF, keen to avoid the rain and right the wrongs of the previous week against table topping Sheen. The game started sloppily with Sheen on top. 

The stand out character being the ref, in his fancy ref kit, socks over his knees like a tricky continental winger, using both his watches the track subs. Fortunately for the Onions, I leapt à la Ivanovic in the 2013 Europa League Final to give us an against the run of the play lead. 

Soon after Theo was rolled in and slotted home to make it 2-0. Energy was high in the camp but a Sheen attacker was left alone at the back post to draw one back and then before you knew it a dubious offside decision went against us and it was all square. 

One final piece of sloppy defending saw us concede a third and backs were against the wall. With a rousing Will French team talk in our ears, straight from the Mourinho playbook, we headed out for the second half knowing exactly what kind of c-words we should be – intelligent ones, not stupid ones for those without Amazon Prime.

Leading from the front, Will blatantly shoved their defender as he headed in a corner to make it 3-3 before a Sheen keeping howler let Ewan bundle in a 4th.  Now that the action on the pitch was really heating up, the ref had to make sure the spotlight was firmly back on him. 

He dished out some average chat to increasingly frustrated Sheen players, before a couple of farcical dissent yellows and sending Ewan Porteus off with seconds to go after a bit of handbags. Down to 10 men for the last few minutes, the 4s held out to secure a very satisfying 4-3 win.

Ewan Harris